


the colors of the sunrise

by dearkkyun



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, One Shot, Showki, Terminal Illness, members mentioned - Freeform, monsta x freeform, wonkyun mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-26 21:14:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20748854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearkkyun/pseuds/dearkkyun
Summary: showki au where everyone has the first and last words their soulmates say to them written on their wrists. hyunwoo and kihyun eventually fall in love but hyunwoo can’t bring himself to tell the younger that his wrist has the words “please don’t leave me” written on them.





	the colors of the sunrise

“Hi, I’m Kihyun.” “Nice to meet you.”  
Those were the first words they have spoken to each other, words that were engraved in their wrists. Kihyun didn’t know Shownu was going to be his soulmate, the one who he couldn’t live without once both of their eyes met. “Nice to meet you” could’ve been everyone so Kihyun didn’t pay attention to the fact that those words matched up with the ones written on his body. Hyunwoo knew though.

One percent of destinied soulmates didin't meet each other. He hoped it would apply for his part, but it didn’t.  
Kihyun was smaller than him, Hyunwoo met him when he moved into town - his friend Jooheon introduced him to his group of friends.  
Kihyun always laughed, Hyunwoo realized. A smile that went up to his eyes, leaving dimples on his cheeks. Hyunwoo tried not to fall in love with it, he really did.  
It was hard to avoid Kihyun. Hyunwoo was new in the city and even though he wanted to do everything by himself, Jooheon insisted that Kihyun should help him out.

“This” Kihyun put exactly ten neatly handwritten papers on the table, “this is Kihyun’s on budget tour.”  
He sat down at Hyunwoo’s kitchen table in the dorm the older shared with Jooheon and some other boys. Hyunwoo didn’t expect Kihyun to come. It was a Saturday. And it was 5am in the morning. Somehow the younger got into the dorm - he probably got the keys from Jooheon - and woke Hyunwoo up by softly tapping his shoulder. Of course, Hyunwoo didn’t wake up at first but when Kihyun called his name, he slowly opened his eyes.  
Hyunwoo sat at the kitchen table looking at the younger who excitedly went through the notes. He was amazed by the amount of energy the smaller had at this time. “So do you want to know about everything we’re going to do or do you want it to be a big surprise?” Kihyun asked expectantly. Hyunwoo rubbed his eyes. “You could’ve warned me” he said and realized his shirt exposed both of his wrists. 'Hi, I’m Kihyun.' 'Please don’t leave me.'  
Kihyun sighed. “You would have never agreed on this then.” He was right. Hyunwoo got up to put on a jacket.  
“Oh” the younger stood up, “so we’re going?”  
Hyunwoo stopped for a second, getting lost in the younger’s smile. He just put on the jacket to not have Kihyun’s words on his arms showing. “Yes” the older said without even realizing that he agreed until he spoke it outloud.

“I thought you were supposed to show me Seoul. Why are we going to the beach? I also know this beach already” Hyunwoo asked the younger as he parked the car on the roadside. Kihyun leaned back and looked outside the car window. “I just wanted to see the sunrise once again” he said.  
Kihyun got out of the car, the yellow sunlight breaking through his hair. Even though Hyunwoo stayed a few feet behind him, he felt close and intimate. Hyunwoo listened to the sound of Kihyun’s camera clicking, the seagulls and the waves crashing against the shores. “It’s so beautiful, isn’t it?” the younger asked and took more photos. Hyunwoo, who had his eyes fixiated on the boy in front of him, nodded. Of course, Kihyun couldn’t see.  
“Stand on the rocks” Kihyun said. Hyunwoo hesitated but the younger turned around and grabbed his hand. “Let’s go, it’s a wasted opportunity not to take pictures of the sunrise...” he pulled the older onto the rocks, “and you.”  
Hyunwoo laughed, “this day is just your bucket list and an excuse for you to take pictures all day.” But he didn’t mind. Kihyun placed the camera in front of his face and captured a picture of Hyunwoo laughing.  
“Maybe it is” Kihyun said. Hyunwoo got shy. “Oh, I’m bad at this” he put his hands in his pockets and looked down to his feet. The camera has always made him uncomfortable.  
“No, you’re not! Just turn around and look at the sunrise just as if I wasn’t there.”  
The older followed Kihyun’s instructions and finally, for the first time that day, looked properly at the sunrise above the dazzling sea. It indeed was beautiful.  
“Wow” Kihyun exclaimed, Hyunwoo didn’t even noticed the younger getting up onto the rocks as well. He tried to ignore his heart pounding when their shoulder touched and he tried to ignore Kihyun’s eyes sparkling as the sunlight hit his brown eyes.

The day continued with them driving back into the city and Kihyun continuing his tour. It turned out to be more of a food tour but Hyunwoo loved it. They were bickering the whole time, laughing and Kihyun here and there snapping photos of not just the food but Hyunwoo, too.  
They were now walking along the river, their last activity and Kihyun’s favorite spot in the city, probably because it reminded him of the sea.  
“You have something for water, don’t you?” Hyunwoo asked and Kihyun nodded.  
“I used to be afraid of it as a child, still am a little bit. I was afraid that the water would drown me” he looked at Hyunwoo who listened to him seriously. “But later I realized that it keeps me living.”  
“It does both” Hyunwoo said, “drown you and give you life.” Hyunwoo forgot the words that were written on his wrists that moment, he gathered all his courage and grabbed Kihyun’s hand who was surprised at first but wrapped his fingers around it quickly. “But don’t be scared though“ he said, “I’m here to always safe you from drowning.”  
Hyunwoo tried to ignore his inner voice telling him that he was the one that would make Kihyun drown.

  
He looked at their interlocked hands and saw what was written on Kihyun’s. The last words he would say to Kihyun were I love you.  
The younger followed Hyunwoo’s stare. “You know, it could be everyone” Kihyun started, “my left wrist says ‘nice to meet you’. It could be Jooheon, a stranger on the street, a cashier...”  
_Or me_, Hyunwoo ended the sentence in his head.  
_Or you_, Kihyun thought.

Kihyun shook his head. “But I am okay with not knowing. I used to be jealous of Changkyun and Hoseok, their wrists literally said each other’s name on it. I wanted to find mine so badly, too, but then I started to think it might be better if I don’t ever find my soulmate.”  
Hyunwoo’s heart felt heavy. He couldn’t say anything, the accuracy of Kihyun’s last words scared him, yet he felt somehow relieved the younger thought that way.

It only took a few days for Kihyun and Hyunwoo to get even closer and only a few weeks for their first kiss. Hyunwoo tried not to fall in love, but eventually he did. He hated him for it. He knew that someday he was going to break Kihyun’s heart, that someday he will leave him. He hated himself for going on dates and the most for saying yes when Kihyun asked him if he wanted to be his boyfriend. And even a little bit more when he agreed on moving in with Kihyun. He hated himself so much. But he loved Kihyun. Gosh, the way he loved Kihyun.

It only took a few months for their first fight. Kihyun was rarely at home. At first, Hyunwoo didn’t think anything about it, he ignored the worries and the thoughts that would come up in his head while he was laying in bed at night. When Kihyun would come home late and lay down next to him, Hyunwoo pretended to be asleep. Hyunwoo never wanted to blame him, he knew he doesn’t have the right to. But his thoughts and imaginations were driving him crazy. One day, he couldn’t hold himself anymore. “Are you cheating on me?” he asked the younger when he caught him sneaking into the house one day.  
Kihyun avoided his look. “No.”  
“Then why are you never at home?”  
“It’s not important. But I’m not cheating on you, you have to trust me.”  
“Tell me, Kihyun. You need to tell me” Hyunwoo’s voice got louder even though he didn’t want to.  
“I can’t.”  
“I’m tired of it, I’m so fucking tired of it, Kihyun. Tell me what the hell is going on or I will leave” Hyunwoo threatened and realized what he just said. Kihyun flinched at the words. His heart pounded. Please don’t say the words, Kihyun. Please don’t say them. He wasn’t ready for ending it all with Kihyun but he also was unable to take his words back.  
Kihyun didn’t say the words. “Then go” he said, his eyes sparkled in the dim light, “then go. It might be better that way.”

Kihyun let Hyunwoo go and Hyunwoo left. It might be better that way. Hyunwoo walked through the rain. At least he knew that it wasn’t the end. With his wet hands he removed the make up that covered the four words. Please don’t leave me. He would see Kihyun again, he thought. Maybe in a few days, maybe in a few weeks.  
Maybe those four words were meant to be said in the far future. When Hyunwoo and Kihyun would get back together, grow old, Hyunwoo imagined. Maybe Kihyun would say those words to him when Hyunwoo laid in his bed, both having grey hair.  
We can work this out, Hyunwoo felt hopeful. We can work this out.

It has been weeks since Hyunwoo has seen Kihyun. Kihyun didn’t answer his messages and their friends would in no way answer Hyunwoo’s question.  
One morning, it was a Saturday, he received a message. 5am. Hyunwoo was awake, just like most of the time, he hasn’t really been sleeping.  
Hey, it’s me Kihyun. Do me a favor and come to the beach.  
Hyunwoo spammed Kihyun with calls and messages but wouldn’t get an answer so he got into the car and drove to the beach.  
The older saw a silhouette standing in front of the sea, probably taking photos. Hyunwoo ran up to him. “Kihyun” he shouted but froze as he realized it was just a stranger turning around confusedly. “Oh, I’m sorry.”  
While Hyunwoo searched the whole place for the younger, he received a call.

  
“Hey, Hyunwoo.”  
Hyunwoo’s heart jumped. It felt good to hear his voice again.  
“Kihyun” he said, “where are you? I can’t see you.”  
Kihyun ignored his question. “Are you at the rocks? Go to the rocks.”  
Hyunwoo climbed up to the rocks, confusedly, since Kihyun still wasn’t there.  
“How is it? The sunrise?”  
“Kihyun what is going on?” his heart pulled together.  
“Hyunwoo” Kihyun started but paused for a very long time, “I’m sick.”  
The older didn’t respond for some time. “How sick?”  
“It’s... it’s a terminal illness. It doesn’t matter. I just wanted to say” Hyunwoo heard the younger’s voice cracking at the end of the line, “I just wanted to say thank you.”  
Hyunwoo’s legs gave in. He sat down on the rocks. The tears in his eyes blurring the sight of the shimmering ocean in front of him.  
“I didn’t know about everything at first. I got diagnosed a few weeks before I met you. Everything was going fine but then it hit me. That was why I was gone all the time. I didn’t want you to see me like this. I read all of your messages you sent me. Thank you for still believing in us... That day .. at the beach and everything else, it was really on my bucket list. Showing you around was an excuse in the beginning to do these things, I didn’t expect to fall in love.” Kihyun laughed through the phone. “Son Hyunwoo, I fell in love with you.”  
“You are my soulmate” Hyunwoo tried to say without his voice cracking too much. There were so many things he wanted to say, “It says Hi, I’m Kihyun on my wrist.” Both smiled through their tears.  
“I always knew there was more than love between us” Hyunwoo could hear that he was smiling even though his voice sounded weaker, “Please stay by my side, okay? Thank you for saving me from drowning and don’t you dare to forget me, I will forever be here. if you miss me, look at the sunrise just as if I was there” Kihyun said, “please, don’t leave me.”

Hyunwoo’s heart broke. “No, it's you who shouldn't leave me. Please stay. Stay. Kihyun." Hyunwoo held onto his phone despite getting no answer. "Kihyun” he said between his cries, “the sunrise looks beautiful today. Not as beautiful as it was with you but still pretty.” Tears rolled down Hyunwoo’s face. “It’s different this time ... there are a few clouds. I think you would love it for your photography. I think you would love it.”

The phone line was quiet. _Please don’t ever say I love you to me_, Kihyun used to tell Hyunwoo. _I am scared that you turn out to be my soulmate and I have to fear that everytime you say you love me it will be our last words. _

Hyunwoo listened to the seagulls and the waves that crashed against the shores. He listened to the clicking sound of a camera but it wasn’t Kihyun. The sunlight was breaking through the clouds, sunrays turning everything around Hyunwoo golden just how it would probably look like in heaven. Just like Yoo Kihyun was still by his side and just like Hyunwoo got a last chance to say those three words to him.

“I love you.”


End file.
